Short Candles

Years ago, when discussing some health concerns with my physician, I was told, "People who burn the candle at both ends have short candles."  I have never forgotten that comment, and as the years have passed, the wisdom of that pithy saying has proven true over and over again.

Evangelism is a physically and emotionally demanding job.  While some see evangelism  as "the eternal vacation" and make comments about how easy and fun this life must be, they do not see the toll that it can take on an individual or family over a long period of time.  Long drives, little time for exercise, eating too much too often, and weird sleep patterns (due to late nights, counseling, time zone changes, jet lag, etc.) can contribute to an unhealthy lifestyle.  How can we avoid burning our candle at both ends, when we have all the responsibilities of maintaining a "normal" home routine for  the family, plus home schooling, traveling, and services almost every night?  Add in sickness, health issues, financial problems, or family trouble, and the stress levels ratchet up even farther.  Any or all of these thing can individually cause stress, but compounded together can become a deadly cocktail of stressors that can lead to a collapse, either mentally or physically.

It is important that you take care of the body that God has given you.  The physical toll that ministry can take on the mind and body is a heavy one. I think the greatest danger is not recognizing how much stress you are under and taking steps to alleviate it.  Recently, a close ministry friend of mine had, for lack of a better word, a breakdown.  She was very active in the ministry, had a family to take care of, church things to administrate, and the normal homemaker hat to wear.  While visiting with family, she began having serious health issues that were scarily like stroke symptoms - inability to move without falling, loss of vision, mental fog, as well as some other frightening symptoms.  After a myriad of tests, she was told that nothing was essentially wrong with her, and that the most likely culprit was stress.  She was surprised at this news - she didn't really feel stressed.  However, with lots of rest, sleep, and "sitting around" (she told me she felt positively lazy at times), she has made a complete recovery.  It didn't happen overnight, though, and the ministry struggled for a while as everyone adjusted to the new normal.

As she related this to me, I realized it was a short candle moment.  Burning the candle on both ends can become a habit, and before you know it, you have nothing left.  Let's not get into that habit!  We become used to the stress levels, and adjust our attitude and schedules to meet the expectations, but all the while, our bodies groan under the weight of the load.  The body can handle great amounts of stress, but each one has a breaking point, and no one knows how or when that is, so it is best to avoid getting to that point!

What are some ways to avoid excess stress buildup?  Here are a few things, but this is not an exhaustive list by any means.  You may have some other suggestions to add, and I am sure we can all benefit from each others' experience.

1.  Proper Rest.  This is perhaps the hardest one to manage when you are trying to pack up for a three month trip, and you spend all night getting everything ready to go!  Try to get at least seven hours of sleep each night.  Feeling rested goes a long way to decreasing stress levels.  Mrs. Lee Roberson was famous for her saying, "No nap, no snap!"  She took time every day to rest in the afternoon.  You may have small (or large) children that make this difficult.  They can use a nap, too, and if not nap-taking age, just let them know they must go out and play for 30 minutes, or do some quiet activity, but they must not disturb you.  Having this brief time of rest can rejuvenate and energize you so that when you get up, you can accomplish more than if you had stayed up the entire afternoon.  This doesn't necessarily need to be an every day occurrence, but if you need a nap, do everything in your power to make it happen!

2.  Proper Diet.  This happens to be my nemesis.  Years of bad choices combined with lack of exercise have slowly packed on extra pounds.  Making good food choices can be really difficult when you are not in control of what is being served.  That is not an excuse, but it is a factor that we have to acknowledge.  Eating food that is good for you will help you feel better and decrease stress.  Carrying excess weight puts stress on your body, and can affect your attitude as well as your overall health.  If you are trying to lose some weight, find a healthy plan that does not starve you of the nutrients you need, but gives your body the fuel it needs to maintain or regain your health.

3.  Exercise.  I hate exercise.  In my opinion, running should only be done if you are being chased by a crazed woodcutter or rabid wolf.  The benefits of exercise are great, though. I am a routine-lover, and as long as things are in a predictable routine, I can be consistent.  Take away that routine, and then I struggle to start a new routine.  Walking is one of the best routines you can have.  Taking a brisk 30 minute walk can leave you feeling energized.  It is a great time to pray, spend time with your husband, or even spend time with your children.  My pre-teen daughters love going with me for a walk, because they get one-on-one time with mama, and we talk about things that are important to them.  It can be a great bonding time.  If you are able to maintain a more vigorous exercise regimen, that is great, but simply walking will help you immensely.

4.  Personal Time.  Everyone needs personal time.  I am not talking about your time of Bible reading and prayer, although that is certainly important.  I am talking about time when you take a break for your own sanity and peace of mind.  There are times when my husband comes back to the trailer, and I greet him with the words, "I just need to go!"  He knows that this means life in the trailer with all the children and household duties has become overwhelming, and if I stay any longer, there might be a homicide, possibly more than one!  He graciously takes command, and I scamper off to do an hour or two of personal time.  Sometimes this means retail therapy  - not necessarily spending money, but going somewhere - think Hobby Lobby - where I can spend some time decompressing and looking at pretty things.  Perhaps for you, it is the mall, or the local coffee shop.  Maybe you like to get a manicure or pedicure, or get your hair done.  Lunch with a friend, or hanging out at a local book store with a good read are also options.  I have, at times, shut the door to our room in the trailer and just read or worked on crafting projects (crochet is pretty cheap therapy, and if you do enough of it, you can sleep under those lovely blankets in the winter).   This is a last resort option that keeps me from going postal on my children and husband, and after 30 minutes or so of uninterrupted calm, I can emerge as Supermom once again.  Cue sunshine, smiles, hearts and rainbows.  Find something that you enjoy and make it happen.

5.  Girl Time.  I love spending time with my husband, and he is my best friend, but sometimes, you just need some girl time.  In a recent informal survey that I conducted among both pastor's wives and evangelist's wives, the overwhelming majority expressed their biggest desire when together was some form of "girl time."  This was described as lunch together, shopping, talking, catching up, praying together, getting your nails done, sharing ideas on church, home, music, school, books to read, sharing verses of encouragement, etc.  Feeling alone can eat at you.  We must make friends and allow those friends to encourage and shape us, to lift us up and in turn lift them up.  It is difficult to spend a lot of time with people you don't see often, but technology has expanded our options.  Earlier this year, I began a group text for several evangelist's wives that goes out weekly.  It has been such a huge blessing to me.  The ladies are a constant source of encouragement, humor, and great advice, and I gladly count those texts as a regular "girl time" activity.

6.  Family Time.  You may be surprised to see this listed, since most of us are with our family 24/7 in some capacity or another.  However, being together does not constitute quality family time.  In fact, it can desensitize us to the needs of our children and family.  It is important to take time out to do fun things together.  Fun things do not need to be exotic trips to exciting destinations, although those would also count.  It can be as simple as eating lunch in the park, reading a good book aloud, one chapter a day, spending individual time with each child, playing games with them, or taking them along on errands, or letting them help cook dinner.  Sometimes it means spending time listening to them, other times laughing with them.  I do not want to be the person who was so busy in the ministry that my children feel neglected.  My husband, in an effort to help our family, tries not to schedule more than three weeks of meeting in a row with out a day or two off for the family.  It doesn't always work out that way, but for the most part, we have plenty of time to rest and enjoy a little time together.

7.  Romantic Time.  Different from family time, this is time for you and your husband.  I find the greatest times of stress are often proportionate to the amount of time I am able to spend with my husband.  We have all been in the place where he is gone all day, comes home exhausted, and has to get ready for the service that night.  After a while, we start to feel neglected, resentful, and angry.  Of course, we realize that this is his job, and it must require sacrifice on our part at times, but really????  Does everyone else get first dibs on my husband's time? Is it fair that he eats lunch with pastors more than with me?  Well....  In order to relieve this area of stress, make time to spend together.  Cue the unofficial date night.  Date nights are great, and if you can pull it off on a regular basis, my hat is off to you.  Frequently, we find ourselves in a place where there is not much to do, no one we are comfortable leaving our children with, and no extra money to spend for dinner or whatever.  So, we have just adapted.  We will go on a walk, or sit in the trailer and watch a movie together (chick flicks, usually).  Sometimes, we just sit next to one another and read, occasionally making comments about our separate books.  Talking is always nice, and I have found that discussing everyday matters as well as big things strengthens a relationship.  Knowing that you are standing firmly together can go a long way to keep stress from building up in your life.

8.  Learn to Say No.  This point should be followed by exclamation points.  Saying no requires astute judgment and discipline.  How many times have you agreed to do something that you may or may not want to do, then totally freaked out because there is already so much on your plate that you can't possibly squeeze in another thing?  We only have a limited amount of time and energy to spend each day.  Make sure that taking on extra responsibility is not increasing your stress load, and your desire to please people does not interfere with your normal duties.  This means that sometimes you will have to say no to the museum trip because your kids are two weeks behind in school and you cannot afford to lose another day.  Will it be disappointing?  Yes, but in the end, you will be less stressed, since you chose to do the necessary thing rather than the fun thing.  Compromise by saying, if we can go after school, let's do it, or maybe we can just get together for lunch.  Do not add to your burden by accumulating activities and events. I enjoy doing things and going places as much as the next person, but I always keep in mind the things that must get done, versus the things that can be done.  This principle does not just apply to field trips, and events, but other areas of life.  For a while, I was clipping coupons to save money.  I found I was spending so much time dealing with papers, coupons, sales, and flyers, that I couldn't handle it with all of my other responsibilities.  It was a wonderful day when I took an entire grocery bag of coupons and threw it in the dumpster!  I felt like a huge burden had been lifted from my shoulders!  The guilt of all that unsaved money sitting in my dining room disappeared in one instant.  For me, couponing was a good thing.  It helped me save money, gave me a thrill when I got a great deal, and allowed me to stretch our money farther.  However, it was just one more thing, and I had to let it go.  I will still use a coupon if I can find one, but I do not devote the time and energy to it like I once did.  I know this is a personal example, but I think the point is easily understood.  Just because it is a good thing doesn't mean that you should take on that ministry, project, activity, trip, or whatever.  Learn to assess your gifts, as well as your time and energy levels, and realize that sometimes more is not better - it is just more!

9.  Cultivate a Relationship with God.  This one thing will make the difference.  Life may be completely out of control from our view of things, but when you can go to God and find comfort in His Word, when you can share with Him your greatest burdens and struggles, life simply becomes better.  He knows our frame, that we are but dust, and He knows what we can handle.  Allow him to bear that burden!  Jesus Christ said, "Come unto me, all ye that labour and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest.  Take my yoke upon you, and learn of me; for I am meek and lowly in heart: and ye shall find rest unto your souls. For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light."
Knowing the One Who is in control is also working things out for our good can be the best news ever!  Rest in His promises, and allow His peace to fill your soul.

So, keep that candle burning, but only at one end!